Finally! After months of painstaking research and much conversation with non-resident Indians (henceforth, NRI’s) and resident ones, I have successfully compiled the definitive ranking of the various foreign (henceforth, phoren) countries where Indian diaspora are settled.
To provide the necessary background, one must realize that beloved though our country is, it is much lacking in glamour and glitz. Resident Indians who have never left the country sadly shake their heads at the materialistically fulfilling, but spiritually devoid lifestyle of their NRI brethren. Interestingly though, they tend to make a rapid beeline for aforesaid materialistic lifestyle if given the opportunity.
But having successfully transitioned to NRI status, it is considered extremely non-kosher to declare that you want to stay on in the country you spent so much effort moving to. Instead you must always say that you intend to “go back after some years”, where the “some” is very nebulously defined.
On the other hand, actually going back to India is considered even more non-kosher, and causes much shock and awe – like saying you want to drop out of college and then really doing it.
Now, having lived in two phoren countries and then come back to India (shock! awe!), I have also observed that all phorens are not equal in the Indian psyche and some have decidedly more glamour than others. Hence, here I compile a carefully researched ranking for my readership, so that they may choose the level of glamour that best suits them.
So, firstly, the three major criteria that glamorize your phoren land:
1) Wealth and shine: No country is truly phoren unless it obviously has mucho moolah with shiny-shiny buildings, fast-fast cars and big-big highways.
As the brother of my Philadelphia resident friend keeps getting asked, “Aap ka behen phoren mein rahti hai, toh aap Nigeria mein kyon rahte hain?” Clearly, Nigeria is not phoren.
Ditto for Russia, Iran, Brazil, and Thailand (whatever other appeal it may have.)
2) White people: The race of our former colonial overlords must be present in copious quantities to legitimize phoren glamour. Don’t ask why. It’s an axiom.
3) English: More a matter of convenience, but helps fine-tune the rankings as we shall see.
So noooow…without further delay…. we give you the rankings.
Rank 1: Take a guess, anyone!
Numero Uno! The Best of the Best!! Undisputed All-Time Champ!!!!
Introduuuucing…. THE U…..S……OF…..A!!!!!! (Drum roll and thunderous applause)
Nothing, and I mean nothing, remotely compares to the glamour of living in the land of the brave, the free and the morbidly obese.
Even if you live in a nondescript small town of Idaho, the aura of the USA surrounding you will dazzle all onlookers, and allow you to sneer with impunity at Bangaloreans, Bombayites and maybe even Londoners.
Rank 2: UK, Canada and Australia
Presented in no particular order, these are the Salieris to USA’s Mozart – all the right attributes, but not quite there. The NRIs living in these countries also exhibit the mentality of those who have almost reached heaven’s door, but not quite.
So, the NRIs in the US keep talking of “going back home” while applying for a Green Card.
The UK ones talk of going back home while applying to jobs in the US.
Similar behaviour is reported for those in Canada and Australia.
Rank 3: Non-UK Western Europe
So, that means Germany, Switzerland, France, etc. Not Hungary, Poland and all those places.
Shiny-shiny – tick. White people – definitely.
But language. Such a problem, the language. Can’t you possibly move to the UK? Or maybe even, nudge, nudge, the US?
Amsterdam gets a partial exemption since the language of cannabis and red light districts is universal.
Rank 4: Singapore and Hong Kong
Aaaah, we can speak English again. But what’s with all these Chinese people everywhere?
I mean, can you even make out what they are thinking? No, no, definitely not done.
Hong Kong is sinking in status as Mandarin is increasingly becoming the spoken language.
Meanwhile, Singapore has almost risen to rank 3, because of proximity to India and relaxed visa procedures. But the Chinese itch refuses to go away, it seems.
Rank 5: Dubai and the UAE
Immense flash and glitter, no doubt. English speaking - good. Also, Muslim. Long pause.
We are in serious bad news territory here, folks. Whispers of brutal punishments, second class citizenship, Indian labourers treated as virtual slaves. Plus Dawood Ibrahim and links with Pakistan (oh no, the Muslim connection again!).
Some phoren glamour remains here, but tinged with darker hues.
Rank 6: Japan
Once a favourite of the older generation, only a lot of wealth and tremendous shine keep it on the glamour list at all. Severe language problems and a worldwide reputation for xenophobia.
Plus, what’s with all the raw fish and cut throat prices, eh?
This is definitely a place where you can tell the visa official, “I intend to stay here a few years and then leave”, without having your fingers crossed behind your back.
So, what do you think? Feel free to suggest fine tunings and alternative rankings, or make indignant comments.
A keen observer you are, I must say.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading the post.
Well, i read it quite without any bias, coz the country I stay in did not even appear in the initial discussion! wat say?
ArSh, am counting on you to rank the place where you live along with your own observations. :)
ReplyDeleteI disagree on Canada :) Canada and USA are equivalent in glamor, probably because they share the Niagara Falls and both qualify as 'America'.
ReplyDeleteI think while Brazil has been taken out of the list because of moolah issues, Argentina should be included. It has a twenty four lane highway, and I see lots of Indians posing in front of it on Facebook, Linked In and such places.
ReplyDeleteAlso, NZ should get an honorary mention ... What about SA?
Also, NZ should get an honorary mention ... What about SA?
ReplyDelete-----------------------------------------------
SA is a tough one. Being Africa,the glamour quotient decreases. But, if SA has to stay somewhere in the ranking, it would be a 3.5 :)
The other things that I think are glamour factor criterias are:
1)Weather: A phoren land with a snowy, wet winter is more phoren than a warm, bright sunny phoren (exception: California, but thats USA).
2) Distance from home: The farther, the better. A direct flight to phoren land is negative points. Therefore, one 8-10 hour flight is a must!!
Baishali
you didn't explore the "within the USA" angle. bottom of the totem pole are mid-westerners, slightly higher than them are east coasters and finally the bhagwans are the bay area people.
ReplyDeleteRegarding South Africa.
ReplyDeleteI think its not generally on the glam list because:
1) Africa generally subtracts 10,000 glamour points, though scores high exotic points. That's for tourism, though.
2) General feeling SA doesn't have moolah (being in Africa). :)
3) Gandhi got beaten up there. Bad, bad.
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Argentina:
Could be good candidate for Rank 4.
- Language problem -ve
- White ppl +ve
- Very faaar -ve
But very high points if you travel there.
South America has max exotic points overall.
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NZ should be rank 2 for sure.
Gandhi got beaten up there. Bad, bad.
ReplyDelete--------------------
For the same reason, Australia is losing points amongst Indians.
NZ should be rank 2 for sure.
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Glam factor of UK and Canada is higher than NZ, NZ is a rank 3. Personally, I think Canada, owing to its proximity to the land of opportunity, is a rank 2 on its own. UK ranks lower :)
Hey Anindya,
ReplyDeleteInteresting post indeed.But you would have explored more about USA as well.I also stayed in USA and felt its not covered properly.Agreed with Shampa's comment.Also glamour factor are almost same for USA and Canada.:)
Totally agreed with you on South Africa and Dubai.
But do you think Australia should get Rank 2?After all those racism we the Indians have faced there?
There was 46% drop in Indians applying for student visas for Australia from July to Oct 31 2009 compared to the same period in 2008, and a total drop of 26% in student visa applications to Australia from all countries (including India). A study (completed before the deaths of Nitin Garg and Ranjodh Singh) forecast a 20% drop in Indian students expected to study in Australia in 2010, compared to 2009, partly due to a reduction in the number of visas allowed to be granted, stiffening of the regulations associated with them, the strength of the Australian dollar, and a clampdown on unscrupulous migration agents and colleges. After the attacks of 2009 and the deaths in Jan 2010, its expected to fall even further than the 20% drop.Thats why many students are opting for New Zealand rather than Australia nowdays.So , New Zealand should get Rank 2 instead of Australia!
Regrding UK,after the recession hit,people are least interested.In that way, people are much more interested on Singapore.So in rank 2, you should put Singapore,New Zealand.Personally,I think Australlia and UK should get Rank 3.
Anyway, good and interesting topics you cover in your blog.Keep blogging.
Cheers!
oh my god! i better move to california immediately.
ReplyDeletexx am
Australia going down. But NZ still mainly known for sheep and not much else.
ReplyDeleteSingapore is rising fast though. Hopefully, it'll soon cross continental western Europe in glamour.
But UK remains very high.
If you really fine tune the rankings, I'd say:
US = 1, Canada = 1.5 and UK = 2
Being an NRI myself, this is hysterical, and bang on target! disagree with the others on Canada though, most Indians are flocking to Canada because of US immigration blues, tomorrow if the rules change or get better, they will merrily dump their canadian citizenship and embrace the glamor points of US citizenship.
ReplyDeleteI also think phoren-ness depends a bit on whether companies/universities where NRIs work/study are sufficiently well-known. What is the attitude towards someone working in Finland with Nokia vs. someone in a not-known university in Missouri, for instance?
Not sure who will be considered more phoren here.
You also missed the loss of glamor points for going to phoren countries that get immigration crap from US or other glam-nations. I don't think working in Turkey or Mexico will be considered phoren. :P
pen on, good write!
Nice post Anindya da.. I must agree u really did a good bit of research on this.. For me though I will say Rank 1 = US and London..
ReplyDeleteYeah London != UK. People are equally gleeful when they say US and London. Rest of UK = Rank 2
London vs USA - Alas, not true as a friend of mine found out on a flight back to India.
ReplyDeleteThe gentleman next to her was most disappointed that she was in London, but not the US.
So, where was he from ? Small town in Iowa. :)
Ideal Bekar Bokbok!!!
ReplyDeleteI am sure deshis living in North Dakota and Wyoming will be delighted to know that they are living in the number one phoren country
ReplyDelete@Nilanjan:
ReplyDeleteYou will notice that when the folks you mentioned visit desh, they always omit the Dakota bit, and just say they live in "America".
Thus the glorious blaze of the USA, wipes away the blemish of their location within it. Like sunspots on the sun, you know. :) :)
We UKites typically disparage the US on the "Coolness factor". The UK, Europe and Asia(not singapore, japan or dubai however) score high on that.
ReplyDelete